Tag Archives: rut

Climbing Out Of The Negativity Rabbit Hole

1 Nov

I understand that this is something girls say (see above), but holy crap HOW is it November? Do you know what November means? November means that it is almost a year since I started Love Citron, that it’s almost time for the holidays (thank you, marketing for making this impossible to miss) and that I can no longer pretend that it’s just ‘really late summer’. The light in my apartment has changed, the leaves are finally turning, and it’s painful to go outside barefoot. It can be painful all year if you aren’t paying close attention, since people like to smash beer bottles on ‘my’ sidewalk, but you know what I mean.

November also means that it’s officially time to take down the Halloween decorations. I’m not looking forward to this because THAT means that I have to clean out my closets. Since the apartment is older, and I guess people back in the day didn’t like to store anything, our closets are microscopic, and they’ve been poorly organized since the beginning of time. I have been preparing myself for this day for months, and it’s definitely time.

I guess I always think of November as the beginning of the change. It’s always been like that – people start looking forward to the holidays, the weather becomes officially cold, the time changes, it gets dark at noon, the urge to drown your seasonal affective disorder in cheese and white flour becomes overwhelming (just me?) – but this year it seems particularly fitting.

I arrived at a decision this weekend that I think marks a turning point for me. I’m not sure if it’s come across here, since I have zero objectivity when it comes to my blog, but lately (like in the past 3 months) I have felt myself sliding into a rut. I think I sort of expected freelancing to just magically work out, and I know I didn’t have a solid plan going into it. It was so discouraging to watch week after week pass, and feel like I was simultaneously working hard, and not working hard enough. I knew I wasn’t doing enough to build my business, but whenever I tried to work on it, I felt so overwhelmed and discouraged, like it wouldn’t matter, that I couldn’t make much progress. This isn’t to say that things haven’t been going well, but they have been progressing nearly as quickly as I’d like. I felt like I was wasting a lot of time and potential because I wasn’t organized, and I was focusing too much on the negative.

It was scary. Not to be too dramatic, but it almost felt the way it does when you have a nightmare, and can’t run away from whatever it is that’s scaring you. I felt like I needed to work harder, but I didn’t know where to begin.

So I made a decision. I have stopped focusing on what has gone wrong, and what could still go wrong, and I’m only focusing on what I have to gain. It’s scary to invest both time and money in myself and my work, but it would be scarier if I didn’t try. There are things I’ve spent a lot of time stressing out about, but sometimes it’s okay to try things that don’t work out. It’s okay to fail sometimes. I remember that it’s okay to not be perfect at this immediately. The only person I have to prove things to is myself.


The second thing I did was put myself in boot camp.  I made a wish list of all the things that I needed in order to begin seriously promoting myself and growing my business.  It’s very ambitions – if I had written out every step associated with the items on that list, it would be at least 10 pages long, but I’m trying to complete it by the end of the week.

I feel amazing. I feel like I’m finally making progress, and I’m more creative than I have been in a while, and like I’m learning and growing. I also feel a lot happier, and excited about what I’m doing. I’ll update you on some of the changes I’m making as I make them, so stay tuned for some exciting updates this week!

What do you do when you feel yourself heading down into the negativity rabbit hole? How do you jump start projects?


Stuck In A Rut

5 Oct

I have been really boring lately. I do the same thing more or less every day, I eat the same foods (seriously, if you knew how many tacos I’ve eaten recently you would be disgusted and a little impressed) and I wear the same clothes. I’m not complaining. I repeat these behaviors because I enjoy doing them (see: tacos), and after over a year of stressful uncertainty, it is really quite nice to have a good idea of how my week, month and year will go, if I want it to.

However, I was in yoga class last night, and our teacher had us lay with a block under our shoulder blades, to ‘open our hearts’. Usually when the yoga teachers start giving us this kind of semi-faux-spiritual pep talk about ‘staying in the moment’ and ‘becoming one with the earth’, it’s lost on me, but this guy actually said something that I liked, and that’s why he is my most favorite teacher, and I wish he taught more than once a week.

He said that sometimes it’s good to lift yourself out of your groove, and evaluate if you are doing what you’re doing because that’s what’s best for you, as opposed to just a habit. I suspect that he was speaking about physical movements, as we went on to do some modified block poses, but I thought that it was sage advice for life, as well. Like Gretchen Rubin, I want to live in an atmosphere of growth, and challenge myself to do things that aren’t necessarily comfortable for me.

I don’t have any big revelation, or changes in store, but I think this is something helpful to keep in mind. For me, I think it means cultivating a more adventurous spirit, and instead of mulling actions over for a million years, just going for it.

Also, if you haven’t read The Happiness Project, you really, really should. I am rereading it right now, and I swear, just the act of reading it again makes me happier.