My friends and I are on a corn hole team that meets once a week to play other teams and drink beer. I’m sure there’s a name for this type of thing, but I’m the opposite of sporty, so I don’t know what it would be called. What I do know is that I suck at corn hole. Each week we play five games against a team. The first week we started out okay, the second week we were less strong, and this week we didn’t win any games. It doesn’t make sense that we are doing worse and worse, but when one of the guys we played this week gloatingly told us that they had not won a game until that night, it became evident that we are doing something wrong. Although I have to say, I don’t think it helps that we are playing in a poorly lit parking lot long after the sun goes down, and the boards are on a slant. I’m pretty sure none of this is regulation.
However, our team name is Here for Beer, so I think everyone is on the same page about our priorities.
I have never excelled at competitive anything. One of my family’s favorite stories is about when I was six, I was on a soccer team, and for the two years that I played, I never once touched the ball. I would just get to it and then run in circles around it. My team won one game in the entire time that I played.
I played tennis in high school, because my mother LIED to me about how there would be other kids my age in the beginner class. What actually ended up happening was that I took a class with my (five years younger) brother, and a bunch of kids his age. Despite being taller than all the competition, I still rarely won a game.
Corn hole is going to be different. I am tired of being the worst at games! No more will I be afraid at barbeques because some asshole wants to play frisbee/soccer/corn hole/touch football/basketball and insists that everyone participate. No longer will I allow my younger brother, who of course, rocks at cornhole, to wipe the floor with me and then laugh about it in my face, while I do nothing because he is sadly too big for me to beat up any more.
This weekend is going to be the turning point. I’m going to strap on my sweat bands, get a bottle in my hand (to replicate playing conditions, you see,) and practice tossing beanbags at a board 20 feet away until I can actually hit the board.