13 Jul

These past couple of days have been, for the most part, great. I am happy to be finally getting started, and I love the relaxed schedule, as well as the fact that I don’t have to wear pants or makeup if I don’t want to.

Despite all of that, I’ve been feeling some free floating anxiety. Some of that is due to the fact that change stresses me out, as well as the fact that I’m going out of town AGAIN, and I was feeling blocked on the project I was working on. Even though I’m really looking forward to this weekend, I wish that I would have had a longer stretch of time to get into a routine before I left (again).

The anxious feeling got a little out of control last night. I was up late finishing up some stuff, and I crawled into bed after a quick session picking at my face. Look, I know it’s bad for your face, but I can’t help it. Anyway, as I was laying there, a thought floated into my head. My dad told me once about some girl who was squeezing her face, and it was in the ‘danger triangle’, and some pus or something got shot into her bloodstream, and ended up in her brain and she died. I was convinced, at 3 in the morning, that was what was happening to me. As I was falling asleep, I was doing that sleep jerk thing, but I was sure that actually it was just my body preparing itself for sudden, zit related death.

I woke up this morning, so I guess I made it. This time.

I don’t like feeling anxious, but I could see how it could become a way of life for me, since freelancers usually have to be fairly comfortable with uncertainty about the future. I guess I will have to find some ways to beat the stress!


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